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Education is a misconstrued perception of reality.

Education is a misconstrued perception of reality.

Time and again, I have always insisted that education is a conduit for embezzling funds from educated people whose education has not served them justice to understand that they are being conned.

During my time, we moved straight from bare-buttocks (not wearing pants) to nursery and then to class one. The only qualification was passing your hand over the head and touching the ear on the other side na kuanza kuvaa kinyasa. We never used to have homework and holiday tuition. We used to play and run around for more than six hours a day. Yet we dint turn out badly for we are the engineers, medics, lawyers and thieves who are running the economy and the country and steering it properly to vision 2030. Our parents were never conned. I remember the only fee we used to pay was development fee for new parents and 40 shillings per parent per term, being payment for the security personell aka school watchman.

graduationWhat do we see nowadays? Before a kid joins class 1, he has to go through baby class, kindergarten, pre-unit 1 and 2 and the kid will graduate complete with a gown which must be paid for as well…………wait, and you people said Kanyari was a con? Come on guys. Proper conning is in the education system. For example why the hell do we have Diploma and Advanced Diploma? What is this thing called advanced diploma? Advanced Diploma in Business Administration! Really? We have bridging courses, Surely what is this rubbish you are bridging? Ati bridging English. The mwarafuaka who introduced bridging must really be laughing in his grave on how he fooled mankind.

The other day Man Matiang’i closed satellite campuses for Kisii University and I congratulate him. It is high time that he hounded out all those silly courses used to swindle parents’ their hard earned cash and kick them out of Kenya just like polio. For heaven’s sake, what is B.sc. (meteorology)? Do you need four years of campus education to end up as incompetent as Nguata Francis? My grandmother with zero education was an undisputed village weather forecaster. Out of 10 times she predicted it will rain, it rained 10 times. So I ask what is  Bachelor of Arts in Sociology?

And when we finally graduate after years of partying punctuated by illicit brews, drugs and smoking and sex and abortions and skiving classes and exam cheats and bribing lecturers, we fetch our relatives from the firechi using Mungu hachikwai Nissan matatus to come and witness how their tough daughter or son who has chewed books is being sworn to become a big person in society. And then we blame our politicians and leaders for all sorts of vices bedeviling our society. Yusuresi.

I am a beneficiary of tertiary education but I swear 95% of what I learnt in school is all forgotten. Or who can tell us what Mitochondria is? That mole concept thing made me tukosane na Mr. Odawa bure tu. Mr. Odawa pole mimi sikua na ubaya. Mr. Gecheo (May his soul RIP) ile maneno ya Rocks ulikua unanipigia bure bado sijakutana na conglomerate. Mr. Kirenge, ile X yenye nilishindwa kupata kwa zile equations bado sijaipata. I stopped looking for it. I now look for money and mucene. Mr. Gichohi, ile maneno ya Meiosis and Mitosis kumbe ilikua tu kusumbua mimi and looking for an opportunity to whip my backside.

Every year meat-eaters assemble us to celebrate freedom. Which freedom when the mzungu sneaked in education which has properly colonized us? Our entire lives oscillate around education while countries like China which were never colonized are capitalizing on SPECIALIZATION big time. While our engineers are looking for X and Y, the Chinese are busy building roads the world over. While we are busy studying Newton’s laws of motion, the Japanese are busy manufacturing planes and cars. While we are busy deducing COS x and SIN y, Singapore is busy churning smart phones that we will use to cheat in exams. While we are busy balancing imaginary books of accounts in BCOM classes, Muhindis are busy counting profits in their shops and industries.

NKT hata wacha niwachie hapo n go test the strength of my Liver using Scotch fine Whiskey. Surely hata whiskey we cant brew? So mole concept ilikua ya nini? Ni system ya majambazi. Happy Sabbath thugs

About Edwin Kamanda

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