And since we write about anything and everything, why don’t we share the truth and half truths in CORD that nobody wants to talk about.
Before we sink deep into the abyss of deceit that both Kalonzo and Wetangula are wallowing in, lets borrow a few facts from the truth.
Fact: CORD is the brain child of the son of Jaramogi. Without him, Kalonzo and Wetangula would have formed a coalition slightly bigger than Katitu boys’ band.
Fact: Wetangula doesn’t command any political following. He is purely riding on a wet dream that he has the western Kenya following. I have never heard wet dreams translating into pregnancies. A wet dream is just a wet dream. Mudavadi’s dreams as far as the Western Kenya vote is concerned are more valid than Weta’s.
Fact: Both Kalonzo and Weta are purely contesting because they think Raila will declare either of them Tosha. If Raila doesn’t, they can choose to run alone and end up like Ole Kiyapi. I am not purporting that Ole Kiyapi is inferior. No. In fact convincing his wife every morning to prepare him breakfast and his laundry to go and address donkeys in Mogotio and return in the evening to watch the same clip with his wife was a win for him. Well, I am not sure how he used to convince his wife that he was going to win and his wife believed him. But such are lessons Weta needs from Kiyapi if he is planning to go it alone in case Baba doesn’t endorse him. But my advice to Weta is; please tembea na P3 forms coz your wife won’t take it kindly when as presidential candidate, you will garner 67,706 votes as per IEBC’s final results announcement. Such performance will be a big blow not only to your political being but also on your face from your wife for earning her a laughing stock title.
My crystal ball (whatever that means) tells me that, you are better placed staying in CORD and dancing to Baba’s vitendawili than going it alone, and invoke the wrath of CORD’s supporters who know what you did in Japan but have chosen to remain shut up, so as not to embarrass Baba. You and Kimunya cannot become president of Kenya coz you successfully sold an Embassy and a Hotel respectfully. I am not disputing that you cant be president of Kenya. You can be, but your chances are dancing several months away from 2017. Perhaps you can locate them in 2022 but again my crystal ball tells me that Ali Hassan Joho is already there battling it out with Arap Macheget.
Your chances are running slimmer and thin akin to pulling a trailer using a hair strand. Word in the firechi has it that you are not a presidential material and my personal advisor whispers to me that by exercising his democratic right, he can’t vote for a man ambaye ananyoroshwa na bibi………..and I quote him “sasa mtu ambaye anaskia bibi anakooa anaingia ndani ya kichaka ama anakimbia police ataguesana na Agwambo kweli? Huyo siezi choma kura yangu juu sipendi Ujinga”
Fact: If Raila retires from politics and lets either of the two to run against Uhuru, Uhuru will dispatch Manoah Espisu to Scotland to go ship a consignment of the finest whiskey, calls off his campaigns and starts celebrating in readiness for his second term. I don’t think the son of Jomo will have anything to campaign for. PSCU should just advertise tender ya kusupply Nyama we start applying.
Fact: If the ODM wing of the coalition refuses to support either Kalonzo or Wetangula, sources from the future confirm that Kalonzo will go begging for a Government position, while Weta will join Bifwoli Wakoli and Musikari Kombo in Bungoma Busaa club to strategize on how to consolidate the Luhya vote in 2022.
Fact: Jubilee fears Raila Odinga so much that they loot Government money to use in taming him. Without stolen money, the Son of Jaramogi will be in statehouse by 10 in the morning taking Ida around the premise and as well as ordering her around.
Fact: The world knows that CORD is 80% ODM, 15% Wiper and 5% Ford Kenya. It is only Kalonzo and Weta who can’t see this fact.
Fact: If Kalonzo and Weta decides to vie solo in their respective parties, winning is akin to a man successfully raping a hungry adult healthy female crocodile.
Parting Shot! When you are competing to sweep a girl off her feet with love, you don’t rely on your competitor endorsing you as the best qualified to bed her. Unless you are a fool.