Home / Latest Postings / Pana Cheza na Saitani. He uses teargas as Oxygen.

Pana Cheza na Saitani. He uses teargas as Oxygen.

My Good people let me confirm to you that Saitani is another one. He doesn’t eat bees using fire.

While I was growing up in the firechi and a pathfinder of repute at both Geseneno and Tente SDA churches, Atei Subo, the Sabbath School teacher told us never to question God’s doings. I have grown in that spirit to-date. But there is one question that I wanted to ask back in the day but could not coz I was warned. The question still lingers in my mind. The question troubles me when I run into trouble. And here is the big question. The Almighty God, the Ingwee of Ingwees, He who denounced Satan and threw him out of the palace, why can’t he Just text Jesus and tell him “My Son, go unto thee and save Lucifer, clean him and bring him to the Garden of Eden. I need to talk to him, that brat has already caused enough trouble”. And voila…..sin will be wiped from the face of earth. And we will all drink and dine in celebration. We will eat fruits, milk and honey as we dance around the garden of Eden naked.

Satanic stuff like men climbing cows and Gitau marrying Woltz will be classified in the category of Sodom and Gomorra and Cheryl Kitonga would have forgiven Mohammed Ali on the day God sent Jesus on an errand to cleanse Satan. Well this are the questions that I was warned never to ask but coz Saitani ni Saitani, I have asked. May the Good lord forgive me.

So let me give you a Friday evening brief on how Satan works. I am at Buruburu Shopping Center at 5 PM yesterday, completely without an idea why I am there. But because I don’t want to be misTOOKED for an ODM protester and get shot on sight, I busy myself looking around if I can get something unique and buy (Window shopping of sorts). By the way hizi selfie sticks zinauzwa wapi? So as I go past the Kenya police booth, I see guys offloading beers from a truck, and immediately Saitani strikes, and whispers. “Those are freshly brewed beers straight from the newly installed machines at Ruaraka, or they don’t look fresh to you?” But since I don’t entertain Satanic whispers, I decide to busy myself with Godly matters. So an Angel whispers to me “You Tenterican, has it ever crossed your mind that you serve a living God? How many times do you thank him in a day for the free gift of life and good health? Do you know that there are people who would have wished to here today, but they were shot dead by unkown assailant or others were washed away by floods or mukurupuko wa maradhi? Do you know that several are suffering from the Chikunkunya Virus and yellow fever while you are here and not thanked him the whole day? Do you know there are several who would have wished to be as healthy as you but right now they are tied on dialysis machines? You son of Geseneno/Tente….don’t you think it is stupid walking around aimlessly unapigwa na jua na vumbi bure?” I immediately whispered a prayer and thanked the Almighty for the far he has brought me. Then I proceeded to think of what the Angel just told me. I imagined of those who would have wished to dine and wine but their livers are too week to handle the wine. I whispered a prayer for them too. Since it is a well-known fact that I can’t multitask. I would not pray, think and walk at the same time. So I lost track of where I was walking to, and found myself inside Skyfall Lounge upstairs with 2 fresh cold tuskers in front of me straight from Ruaraka.

You can now confirm that Saitani is another one and he doesn’t eat bees with fire. I hate tusker, it tastes like garbage and seems Satan has this intelligence so in cahoots with his army of tushetani, they change me to something strong. And 2 tots of Whiskey I start feeling that I have just discovered the cure for Chikunkunya virus. 4  more double tots of Chikunkunya Syrup or whiskey if you like drove me to Tents where I did a jig that made the god of dancing nod in agreement that a Tenterican can dance. At 11 AM I was already seated in my house wondering how the devil made me kaanga mayai na nikaweka sukari badala ya chumvi. The other devil was telling me hiyo mayai ukiosha vizuri hiyo sukari itatoka ndio uweke chumvi. While another one was telling me if you add double the normal salt, it can neutralize the sugar. I gave up and dived into bed only to wake up this morning wearing a jumper. So I asked myself, who sleeps with his Jeans, Jumper and Socks on? Well, hiyo lazima ni kazi ya Saitani. Ni kama Saitani hutumia teargas like Oxygen. Have a Devil free Saturday, stay safe and God bless you! Tiga ndetegerera.

Check Also

Tips for Choosing Insurance

Buying insurance can be said to be easy, because there are many considerations that must …